Challenge – Are you ready?

If you listened to my Radio Show yesterday, you heard about step 11 from the 12 steps.
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

Radio Show

Prayer is defined as an act of wither reaching out to a Higher Power or going inward to a deeper knowing. Prayer is actively communicating. We are doing the talking. Meditation is a calm, lengthy, intent consideration. It is being still and listening. Stopping all argument, conversation, justification, and simply allowing ourselves to hear the inner voice of truth. Step 11 is a daily commitment to two things. One speaking out loud and Two is quietly listening. We carve time out of our busy day to do these things. This is the ultimate method of truly taking care of ourselves. The ultimate result of these actions is a stronger relationship with our higher power. When we have a conscious contact with our Higher power we are never alone. We do not feel lonely, we do not feel isolated. The stronger this relationship – the more comfortable we feel in our own skin.

The challenge –
Rules – Must be preformed for seven continuous days. If you forget or skip a day you must start over.
Day is only considered complete if both actions, Prayer and Meditation are completed.

Prayer – Can be either a simple conversation or a tradition or untraditional prayer based in your belief. For example; some choose the Lord’s Prayer and start their day on their knees, taking time to verbalize the Our Father. (Matthew 6:9-13) or try World prayers.org
Others choose to read from various writers such as Parmahansa Yogananda, Thomas Merton, Big Book, Dali Lama, you get the idea.

Meditation – There are many forms of meditation. Sitting cross legged on the floor and emptying your mind takes a lot of practice, and is wonderful for those that can achieve it. If you are new to meditation, try some guided meditation from Belief Net or search the net for one that you feel comfortable with. If you have never tried any meditation, please search it out and learn. Here is a well written start www.mudrashram.com

Next step – Make a commitment.
Today is _____________ I am making a commitment to myself that I will practice prayer and meditation daily for 7 days.

Making a commitment to self is the most difficult area of our life. We practice cheating on ourselves regularly. We sneak that extra piece of pie; we procrastinate on paying bills, doing laundry, home work, exercise. Hold this commitment with more respect than if you were standing before a judge hearing your sentence.

Remember you are that important!

And as always, send us your notes, experiences, likes and dislikes!

Great ideas for Mom’s Day

Another Holiday is here, another opportunity to feel guilty for many long distance care givers. No you haven’t spent as much time with Mom as you should have. Perhaps you have had your secretary screening calls, or may be even let it go to the dreaded voice mail. Just for a moment, let’s move past the emotional feelings that are there, and try to get into the moment. Just for the minute, let’s not think about what is good for you and your family, but what is good for Mom.

If you are getting ready to spend forty or more dollars on a fabulous floral arrangement, hold that thought for a moment. If you have given her a floral arrangement every year for the past 20, 30 or 40 years, do you really think it will be a surprise. Consider the phone call or words said in thank you, have they changed any over the last 20, 30 or 40 years? What about that wonderful vase you gave her for Christmas? Or that beautiful cardigan sweater she is saving it for a special occasion. Is it neatly wrapped in tissue, carefully packed away so nothing happens to it?

Yes you are busy, and no there really is nothing she needs, or is there? Let’s take a look at a few options that are a bit un-orthodox. A few ideas that just may give her a gift that she will get long term joy from. In addition, if one of the siblings is the caretaker, it will be a benefit to them as well.

Let’s take a look at mom first. Forget the woman from 20 or 30 years ago, I want you to see her as she is right now. What does she do all day? What does she talk about, complain about, demand or cry about? What problems is she facing, that perhaps you can find a solution to. Some of the areas we find available for children of seniors to really help with are often never discussed with them. Usually they come down to a few dollars or two. While Mom may be thrilled to see the flowers, if they find out the cost they are disgusted at the waste.

What can you do with $40 that will have impact? First you can ask her if there is something she would like to have for $40. She will tell you nothing, or perhaps hint at something. I know a few that actually would love to have the cash. Remember when you got a card with cash in it? It is kind of fun having a little mad money lying around. Okay, most kids will not give mom an envelope with cash; it is definitely not personal and not as pretty as dead flowers. As a society we have a warped attitude towards money, gift certificates to stores you will never set foot into are okay, but cash is gross.

Tickets to the movie theater, for her and a friend, and you will take care of the driving. Either with a professional driver, or do it yourself. You can spend the $40, on a gift card that not only buys the ticket but works at the concession stand as well. If she is comfortable with the DVD player you bought her a few years ago, order her Netflix. She may not be able to use the internet to order, but you certainly can pre-order her some fabulous movies to view at home. One of the reasons we like Netflix is because it comes in the mail, and she gets to mail it back. There is responsible action that she is taking. Psst. You are treating her like a responsible adult, and you get to share a conversation that doesn’t sound like a medical encyclopedia. When is the last time you started a sentence with, “Mom, how’d you like the movie?”

Here is a little Alzheimer’s secret. If your parent is suffering from Alzheimer’s, buy them a video that is about Fish. Not sharks, but fish swimming in schools. One that is beautiful and relaxing. There are some studies that find it a good choice. It’s worth a try.

Use this opportunity to introduce Mom to Home care. She may be fighting having any home care at all. You may have better luck with using the holiday to schedule someone in. Does she need a ride to a Dr’s appointment, hair appointment, shopping? Good caregivers encourage participation. They are not a cleaning crew.

Early introduction allows new beliefs to happen. Unfortunately, our general understanding of Home Care is pretty limited. Allowing both Mom and you to learn about Home Care givers, early in the aging process, will allow for greater understanding as time progresses and the need is immediate.

If she is early in Alzheimer’s or Dementia, you both know it will progress. By introducing new people now, family caregivers as well as Mom, become comfortable with strangers. And respite care is very important.

If mom is living with one of the kids, give her a weekend at a facility. This is a two pointer, one it gives the caregiver a day to be a human being, and it introduces mom to some great people. Most facilities have respite care. Most facilities are a lot more fun than your sister’s house. Check to see what activities are going on.

The bottom line with any holiday is that money and time are tight. It is up to the children of a senior to think outside of the box, use the tools that they are comfortable with to learn about the aging process, and get out there and learn. For most of the Boomer generation, the “Simpsons grand pa” is our understanding of life in a home. I am sure if I took the time I could find one just like it. The Senior Facilities I associate with are places I would move into now if I could. 5 star dinning, and constant visiting, doing and learning. By opening your mind to the possibility that there is a better way to do this, you have started the journey. Remember, if mom is 80, you are probably 50 or 60. Start planning where you want to be when you reach 90, and that starts with stroking the keys on your PC. Get in to Choice, before crisis.

Day to Day Living Seminar

Choice Before Crisis Seminars Continue With Day To Day Living April 24th

Jacqueline Lauder featured at Seminar

HICAP Program Manager, Jacqueline Lauder Featured At Seminar Series “Choice Before Crisis”

HICAP Program Manager, Jacqueline Lauder featured at Seminar Series “Choice before Crisis”

Opening speaker, Jacqueline Lauder, Program Manager for HICAP and the Council on Aging offered information and solutions to attendees, April 17th, at the seminar Choice before Crisis, solutions for adult children and seniors.

The seminar series Choice before Crisis, solutions for adult children and seniors began Friday, April 17th, 2009 with the Council on Aging. Jacqueline Lauder, Program Manager for HICAP (Health Insurance Counseling and Advocacy Program) immediately answered the question, “Who are you going to call?” Repeating the phone number to her office, as she explained each of the 5 programs the Council on Aging has, how they work together, and who they serve.

“There are 4 million seniors living in California, 11% live in Orange County, CA. The Council on Aging, is for many, the only office looking out for their health, safety and overall welfare.” She said. Many in the audience did not realize what this Non-Profit was all about. Stan Brock, Certified Counselor was also in attendance and shared his wealth of knowledge regarding the VA and seniors. The lesson learned from this seminar was simple. If you are disabled or a Senior and have questions, concerns, or problems with getting the appropriate services, call the Council on Aging.

The Seminar series continues in Dana Point, California. Each seminar is 2 hours long and focuses on issues, concerns and education for helping families age with grace. There is much to learn about caring for a senior, and even becoming a senior. Don’t wait until there is a crisis to learn about opportunities, solutions, and resources that are available. For more information, go to the website www.senior motivate 4 success.com click on events.

Tips for Mom with Alzheimers on Mothers Day

Mother’s Day is expected to be a bright and cheerful time, filled with family and friends. It’s the day we set aside to remember that Mom is an important person in our lives. For those caring for Mom, it can be a time filled with stress, disappointment, frustration and sadness. For individuals caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s, they experience even greater distress and a deeper sense of loss, and far too often are overwhelmed. Caregivers may be concerned about how family will react to the changes that have happened to Mom as a result of the advancing of the disease.
Family may want too much from the Senior and the caregiver as well. They may want to spend long periods of time with Mom, and celebrate with all of the family members converging on the house. This can be overwhelming for someone with Alzheimer’s, even early stages. It can be exhausting physically, as well as emotionally, for both the senior and the caregiver. The Caregiver can end up feeling pulled in many directions at the same time.
Get honest about your family. If they have not been involved all year long, then they do not understand the changes that have occurred. As the primary caregiver, it is up to you to ensure they understand the circumstances surrounding Mom, and respect that you know what is best for her.
Some simple rules of thumb:
Do not expect that any of your family members understand the changes that have taken place. They may not understand how Mom will react with the entire family and extended family gathered together. You need to be the one to make sure everyone else understands that Mom may not be able to participate as they did in the past, and neither can you.
Extremely long drives to the sister that lives 90 miles away may not be feasible. These drives can be physically exhausting, and the strange house may cause unnecessary anxiety and acting out.
Large gatherings with lots of noise, and small children, are difficult. They may not be able to hear well with so many people talking and a lot of noise. This may very well cause your loved one much anxiety and fear.
Your family may not have truly understood that Mom, may not remember their names, or confuse or forget children and grandchildren. They may take it personally, and have feelings of hurt and dismay. They need help understanding this is not a choice it is a disease.
There is a lot you can do to make this a bright, happy Mother’s day for everyone. What works for some may not be right for your situation. The most important thing you can do is leave tradition on the shelf and observe your Mom and yourself. Think about what makes her smile, what makes her anxious or fearful. What is her schedule? Take your Mom into consideration and determine how Mother’s Day would best serve her. Imagine for a moment what would be the perfect Mother’s Day for her, and write it down. Let your family know what you need from them to have this “perfect” Mother’s Day. Allow them to be participatory. Find elements that can be done rather than telling everyone what can not be done. In doing this, you will be less anxious, and enjoy the company, and make them feel part of as well. Far too often we have been doing everything by ourselves for so long, we forget that others would love to help, but do not know how.
You can call and talk on the phone, write a letter or email, speak directly to individuals. Send some literature from the Alzheimer’s association as well. They have numerous brochures and pamphlets that will help your family learn about Dementia, and Alzheimer’s and what to expect.
Most important be clear. Your Mom probably has good days, and bad days. Just because it’s a Hallmark holiday does not determine which it will be.
Some simple actions you can take. Ask everyone to call before they come by. If your loved one is agitated by crowds, limit the number of people at any given time. Limit the number of small children and the length of the visits. Remind people that this can be great fun and to make it that way. It’s okay for it to be 1956, for an hour, constantly correcting someone has no positive value. Have activities that family and friends can include your loved one with, such as looking at old photo’s, talking about favorite movies or music. Look for the spark, and fan the flames, whatever the interest. It may be the 1,000 time you have heard the story about Stanford, but it is only the 10th for the visitor. Give them some questions in advance to keep conversation going.
If your Mom has a strict schedule that is working, keep it going as much as possible. Make sure your family is aware of the importance of your schedule and respects it. You know your family best, and you know your Mom. You are capable of bridging her world and theirs. Understanding one another, and the unique situation of the caregiver and senior, is very difficult for many. You need to take care of yourself during Mother’s Day, and throughout the year. Be clear about your boundaries, and needs. The clarity of communication will go a long way to helping everyone.

44 million Americans, or an estimated 21% of all U.S. households, provide care for an Elder adult family member or friend.

A growing crisis and concern, caring for elder adults is unlike child care. Where as the dependency of children decreases over time, with an aging parent, it will increase. Many of us have successfully raised our children and maintained excellent work records. Our sons and daughters suffering only minimal scars of our leaving them alone and in the care of others. Through all of this, we usually had the joy of watching them progress, and learn, becoming more responsible and reliable. If we did it right, they are taking care of their business, and achieving more than we could ever dream of. As the primary care giver, we feel successful, and believe the loss of sleep has well been worth it.

The same cannot be said when the object of your caregiving is a parent. There are few options available for unbiased help. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment often accompany elder care giving. The sleepless nights are constant, and the knowledge that this is not going to get better takes a major emotional toll on the entire family. If there are multiple siblings, everyone has a lot of opinions, but few have solution. Add the workplace stress, and current economic downturn and this becomes a recipe for disaster. Caught between being the child yourself and having children of your own, family dynamics become a major source of pain. What is the solution?

I am constantly surprised by the response of so many individuals when presented with the question “what are you going to do in the future?” Most respond with an attitude of I will deal with it when the time comes. Unfortunately, that is usually a highly emotionally charged crisis, and normally the result of a physical injury such as a fall, wandering, or burns. The adult child is now faced with the emotional pain of having neglected the obvious decline in their parent, and has only days to decide what can or should be done for the future of the parent. Far too many will just bring them home. Not realizing that they do not have the resources available to adequately take care of the parent. More importantly, they are unaware of the changes that will take place and the resources available to them.

The solution is to be up front early on. Regardless of what mom and dad say, they will need help in the future. Regardless of what you believe you are capable of, you will need expert help in the future. Learning as much as you can before you need the information can mean the difference between living a miserable existence in anger and resentment, or loving the later years of your parents life, connecting with them in dignity and love.

It has only been in the last few decades that so many people have lived so long. The average was 70, now it is 80+. Physically, mentally and emotionally there is a need to maintain activity and engagement. When you begin your research on the aging process, do not turn a blind eye. Try to become an observer, and really practice taking your self out of the child role, and create a partnership of equals. Participate in seminars, usually free, that cover a variety of topics. By broadening your knowledge base, you will not find out after the fact. If I had only known is repeated thousands of times a day, by caregivers and family members. Do not wait for Crisis to happen, before you begin learning. In Dana Point, Ca check out the Choice before Crisis, solutions for adult children and seniors seminars. These are directed at the adult children, and active seniors. www.seniormotivate4success.com

Now ask yourself, what will I do WHEN, not if, my parent needs more help than I can give.

http://EzineArticles.com/?id=2245106

Senior Motivate 4 Success to present Choice before Crisis solutions for adult children and seniors

Senior Motivate 4 Success, Recovery Coaches for seniors, will kick off a series of seminars to help individuals and families understand the issues facing us as we age. A wonderful array of experts will be presenting topics that many do not think of until crisis has happened.

Beginning in April, the coaches of Senior Motivate 4 Success will be presenting a no charge series of seminars jam packed with solutions for families. There are many changes that take place in the life of a senior. For most adult children, they are thrown into a new world when their senior has had a medical emergency. Much time has been spent on financial planning; this series of seminars is devoted to all the other considerations that a family must deal with.

Each of us ages differently, and our needs, wants, and desires are as unique as we are. One solution does not fit everyone. Area experts will be sharing quality information regarding Health Insurance, the day to day needs, addiction, and senior living. Caregivers, adult children and seniors alike will find information they can use today to build for tomorrow. One of the purposes of the series is to give people wonderful resources that they can count on.

One of the resources we are very excited to have is the HICAP and the Council on Aging. Jacqueline Lauder, MSG Program Manager for HICAP will be sharing with attendees about the Health Insurance Counseling and Advocacy programs and other programs that are available in Orange County through the Council on Aging. The Council helps thousands of seniors annually, and is considered a treasured resource of the community. We expect the April 17th presentations to truly kick off a fabulous series of seminars!

Each of the seminars will focus on specific issues that when understood and discussed early, can allow for transitions to happen without chaos, crisis and hurt feelings. Each seminar will speak about changes one can expect as we age and signals that are clues to these changes, physical, emotional and mental.

We will also be looking at and actively discussing some of the emotional and mental issues that occur in the Elderly population. Just a few of the issues we will discuss are driving, dementia, isolation and alcoholism. Information from the Alzheimer’s association as well as from our sponsors will be plentiful. The six seminars will take place April 17, 24, 25 and May 1, 2, with a round table discussion on May 8th, at the Dana Point Community Center in Dana Point California.

For more information check out our website at www.Senior Motivate 4 Success.com/events.html

Choice before Crisis, solutions for adult children and seniors

For many women, there is an inevitable fact that we will be the caretakers of our parents. Your parents may be doing well now but change will happen. Far too many people face these changes only when crisis happens. What do I mean by crisis? They get a call in the middle of the night that mom fell down and broke her hip. It is not so much the fall that bothers you, it is the fact that the fall took place at 10:00 in the morning, and she laid there until a neighbor realized he had not seen or heard from her all day. That is the part that lingers in our hearts while we are at work. Something needs to be done, she will get out of the hospital, and you need to figure this all out.

Most of us start asking the question what should we, or could we, have done. Most seniors have a well established long term financial plan. Most seniors have their wills, and estates all planned for. With all this planning few planned for their lives, their daily living. Many believe the only choice they have is an old age home, or living in their house. Few understand Medicare, Medical, or their VA benefits, and even more importantly how their secondary insurance works with the benefits that the state has. This is a complicated scenario, and even few long term insurance reps understand it all.

And what about you. You still have to go to work every day, pay the bills and take care of your own family. Perhaps your sons and daughters are getting ready to graduate and college tuition is around the corner. At nearly 7% the loans you will take out for their education are staggering and last for a life time. Over the next few months you will need to make a number of decisions. Decisions that will effect your mother, your children, your job, your social life, and your marriage. Mom’s going to move from the hospital to the Skilled Nursing facility and then where? Then what do you do? Let’s add one more issue. What is Mom willing to do? You cannot make her do anything.

Making choices before crisis happens changes everything. While Mom is healthy and happy the two of you can start learning about the options available for her. Introduce yourselves to the Council on Aging in your county, participate in seminars on Aging with grace and dignity. Go on tours of Assisted living, Senior Apartments, and interview independent living help. Open the discussion, the reality will be that at some point, mom will need help. If you are a baby boomer, at some point you will need help. Are you willing to trust your care decisions to your kid? It is time to start learning, start connecting and making real life decisions for the future. It is a big puzzle, all the experts have a piece of it, however, you need to put it together.

If you are in Orange County, CA , starting April 17th, we will be having a series of Seminars that will talk about making choices before a crisis happens. Our first speaker, April 17th, will be Jacqueline Lauder, MSG Program manager for HICAP (Health Insurance Counseling and Advocacy of Orange County) HICAP is a part of the Council on Aging and is a fabulous resource. They have the answers. Check out all the seminars at www.Senior Motivate 4 Success.com Click on events! And plan for the future, it is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when.

smoking cigarettes!

Finally a real alternative to smoking cigarettes! No gum, no lozenges, no patches and no carrot sticks. For anyone that has wondered what do I do with my hands now? This is the ultimate solution. Yes you really do need to quit, but if you are like me, after thousands of dollars, hundreds of strategies, you are still smoking.

Alternative cigarette

For well over thirty years I have been smoking. Back then it was normal. That was then and this is now. We all know the “dangers” of smoking and second hand smoke. The problem for me was one I still like it and two, I never found anything to do with my hands. Of course all my friends are on break in the smoking section, so do I never associate with them again?

I set the “stop date”. Cleaned my car, and made sure it had a new car smell. I threw out the ashtrays and lighters. I bought the gum or the patches or the lozenges. I made sure I had a support group. I even went so far as to ensure that all the goodies I normally shy away from, were all available. Dismal defeat. Smoking is part of my identity. I still like it, disgusting as it is, I still like it. Expensive as it is, I will still find a way to pay for it. At $6.00 a pack, that’s over $2000 a year.

I found a solution that is working for me. It might work for you. My In Life/M4s Safer smoking alternative devices that simulate the sensation of smoking without exposing the user to harmful levels of cancer causing agents and other dangerous chemicals normally associated with traditional tobacco products.

The simulated smoke produced is actually a vapor that looks like, tastes, feels and reacts much like tobacco smoke. When exhaled, the vapor harmlessly evaporates in the surrounding air within seconds. (seriously, it looks and feels like you are smoking) My In Life/M4s

No tobacco or tobacco products are contained in the products. In fact, the nicotine utilized is derived from natural sources other than tobacco. The basic components consist of a battery, an atomizer, a safe, flavored cartridge containing nicotine, water and propylene glycol and a computer chip that controls it all. Each cartridge is about a pack of cigarettes for me.My In Life/M4s

Alternative smoking

If you are heading for the garage, standing in the rain, freezing outside or doing any of the things we do just to have a smoke, check this out. One of the best features is the fact that there are no Butts! Take the time to check it out at www.myinlife.com/m4s

What keeps the Mind Sharp

You can visit the link below and watch the presentation of “What keeps the Mind Sharp”
http://www.brighttalk.com/channels/2492/view

Brighttalk.com is a blog of sorts that deals in webcasts rather than written. A WebCast is an interactive, online audio/visual presentation (live or recorded). This is recorded, and was our first attempt at webcasting.  It is not as easy as it looks, but mistakes and all, we are going ahead and forging forward.

For everyone else – Things we talked about during the webcast are ways that you can exercise the mind really improve your memory, or slow down the progression of dementia.  The fundamental building block is motivation.  Motivation only comes with newness, and interest.  With no interest, nothing will change.  With no motivation, things will only get worse.  Most of the techniques require nothing more than a paper and pen, or a magazine.  Simple things that most people have around the house.  We do encourage actively getting others involved in your exercises.  Most important is to do a little bit every day.  each day focuses the action of reading, writing and speaking.  These three activities will make a difference especially when the action is more than simply staring at a magazine.

For example there is a man I know that goes to dinner by himself and brings a business journal with him.  He complains that he is reading the articles, and doesn’t remember a thing.  For this gentleman this was the worse scenario.  He loved people and dinning with groups, and here he sat alone.  His mind was focusing on all the sounds around him, the people, the magazine didn’t have a chance.  At home he began using the daily practice of starting his morning with reading a single paragraph, making a note or two about the  paragraph.  At noon, he would finish lunch and try to recall the paragraph from the morning.  At first he had no luck, even reading his notes, nothing was coming back.  He kept this practice up for 3 weeks, daily almost religiously he kept at it.

What he noticed as each week progressed, was that he was retaining a bit each time.  It seemed as if “I have created a new way of storing information I read,  a new filing cabinet.” His memory is still failing, but the progression is slowed.  He no longer takes his magazine to the restaurant, instead he takes a paper and pen.  Watching people is the activity he engages in now.  What he noticed is three other people who go to this restaurant on the same day and time as he.  Just as regularly.  They would all arrive alone.  Using the waitress as a conduit, they have formed a Thursday night dinner group.  Rather than eat alone, on Thursdays, they dine together.

As a group they watch the others in the restaurant, and practice brain exercises together.  What about you?  Are you going to the restaurant alone and trying to not be noticed? Look around, see if there are others, and invite them to join your table.  You might just learn a thing or two, more importantly, you might just have fun!